Random thoughts going round and round

I haven't blogged in a while. I've been on the "hamster wheel" of parenting as my good friend PCho would say. These past two weeks have given me a chance to hibernate, shop (gotta keep the economy going), eat carbs, and sleep in until 10 a.m. several days in a row (amen!). So I emerge now roly-polier, more relaxed, with less cash and a little discombobulated. I always have a ton of random thoughts in my head so I'd like to spew them here. Sort of like a discount bin at Marshall's. No wait that sounds unsavory - how about a beautiful basket of Hermes scarves?

1) I'm so excited for Barack Obama to become president. We've hyped him up quite a bit. As a PR professional (ahem!), I believe he has no where to go but down. Media rollercoaster, here we come! I will be watching the inauguration Tuesday, Jan. 20 - wearing my team's colors: red/white/blue!
2) 2009 is the year my fellow '69ers turn 40. Gasp. To those over 40, please turn away from the screen lest you judge my next few thoughts. I can't fucking believe I'm turning 40. I can't process it. It seems like the beginning of the end. My friend's mother said turning 50 is worse but what can we do? I will just have to become more fabulous.
3) My son is walking! He speaks: da-da, do-do. He points to me and to himself on command. So cute, yeah? Don't let him fool ya. The boy is like a violent badger at times. He has the strength of a much bigger man. He claws, screams and kicks too. It's an education since my daughter was very gentle. Even at 14 months, he wakes up a few times a night due to his eczema (poor baby) but we are hanging in there. His Daddy and I take turns. The other night I held his (not so small) body in my arms and I felt like crying because I was so tired of it all. My emotions are so unpredictable. When people ask me how I am, I often don't really know. The true sign of being a mom: You don't really know! ha!
4) The eerie quiet of Dead Week a.k.a. the holidays. This is probably a blog post unto itself. I have always had a hard time with the holidays. So much expectation both met and unfulfilled. I was always the anxious kid around the holidays who didn't know what to expect and felt like the whole event was weird. That sentiment has stayed with me. I'm not like a lot of other people I know who relish this season: hot chocolate, big cozy sweaters, decorating trees, etc. I do LOVE gifts - not so much receiving them but for giving them - wrapping gifts, the anticipation of watching people open them - hoping that they will appreciate them, etc.

That's it for now...can't wait for school to start! Freedom!

Thank you, God.

It's been a while since I've posted.  A few things have happened in the last month:

- kicked my sleeping issue - its all anxiety issues...same stuff, diff. day.  it's a third generation problem.  I blame my Confucian ancestors who were probably repressed, anxious warriors.  

- Daniel is now walking (at 1 year!)

- we had S' first parent teacher conference (yikes tho it's all good)

- my good friend, P, left me for the Jerzey Shorr where she actually gets to visit all the places I read about in my New Yorker.  Eat a lot of good K-food for me, Cho-P!

- hosted my first official playdate in kindygarten incl. providing a nutritious lunch for two 5 year olds!

- finally admitted i need daycare - economy or no economy.

- finally admitted i need a housekeeper.

- finally admitted i need to chill.

- finally admitted that I need peeps.  not the easter candy.

- finally admitted that i will turn 40 next year.  Holy nutburgers, Batman!

Funny lines from S-child:

- Upon leaving Peetz after Dbonz took an impressively smelly poop in his pants about 2 minutes after we got there, she looks at me and says, "Mom, we should name him In-n-Out Poopburger!"

Sweet lines from S-child:

- I know you get tired of hearing me say this all day but Mom, I love you.  

A memory I will cherish forever:

- Watching Dbonz and S-child freshly bathed (of course) playing in their PJs in Sophie's room - climbing over each other. Fighting a little bit but sharing the same space and being sibs.  So innocent, beautiful and awesome.  I could watch them forever - if only they wouldn't make any demands on me. 

A fact you don't need to know:

- I'm growing out my bangs - so is my daughter.  

peace out.  

Sundays

Dear Sunday:

Why do I loathe you?  I don't even have a 9to5 job and I still loathe you.  You do not bring the fresh air relief and giggly giddiness of Friday night (can I remember that feeling before kids?) or the ripe, sunshine-y fun of Saturday.  You are Sunday.  A utilitarian type of day; just 24 stainless steel hours.  A day of chores, a big leaky day, ticking away our precious moments of free time before Monday.  I usually go to church (www.alcf.net) on Sundays - it helps center me, focus on God and brushes the inside of my brain with Comet.  I come away feeling lighter, refreshed and jazzed for a burrito.  Today I missed church.  I felt like a big bowl-less goldfish, flopping around gasping for life force.  I'm so freakin' dramatic.  Ok, so I felt a little floaty without my Jesus dose.  So now I'm downloading gospel music (cause I like my Jesus music laden with R&B grooves and a giant back-up choir) and feeling better.  

The list you've all been waiting for!  Small Town Girl's anxiety list!

1) My kid's allergies - wheat, corn, peas - this kid is going to live on sushi.  Watching him like a hawk so he doesn't pick up his sister's food or old crumbs off the ground.  No more ER visits please!!!

2) My career replaced by profound knowledge of infant poop, vomit and pee!

3) The crazy economy, our dwindling 401Ks, terrorists, what if that old dude wins the election?!

4) My old 60s (untouched, totally original) rancher.  When I watch "Mad Men", I recognize my kitchen.  

5) How all this affects my sleep.  I used to have crazy GI problems in elementary school due to stress, those were replaced by anxiety attacks in college/young adulthood.  Now I'm just a sleepless bag of doorknobs when I get stressed.  

6) No more stomach muscles.

7) Too much diet coke.  Yes, I believe I need to stop this terrible habit of drinking canned drano.  It's not good.  

That's all for now.  hey, it feels good to barf this out online.