Turning corners...

I'm sleeping more!  My kids are 5.5 years and 15 months.  My 15 month old is finally sleeping through the night.  He is so cute.  I love his big cheeks and the ones on his face too (ba dum bum).  His big sister is a bona fide elementary school kid; she loves school, her teacher and recess (duh).  I love doing her hair before school; she wears pigtails or just a pin on one side. She just learned to read!  I can hear her reading to herself in her room some nights; it's so cute. During a visit to the library, I overheard her "reading" to herself which meant in a low speaking voice that disgruntled a lot of senior citizens.  I told her to be read to herself silently so she did:  now all you could hear was a loud breathy whisper:  "Clifford didn't want ice cream so he walked across the street to the car wash..."  I can't believe that her kindergarten experience is almost half over; school gets out June 10.  I already signed her up for summer camp after reading some mom's freakout online about getting a jumpstart on summer.  She is an overall sunny person, a great big sister.  She is always looking out for her younger brother - keeping him from getting hurt (grabbing a knife) and then turning around and (unintentionally) hurting him in the process (tackling him to the ground).

She is very observant and pretty mature for her age.  I sometimes feel like I'm speaking with someone twice as old as she is.  She's also a little bossy and exacting though not to an obnoxious degree.  She has a hard time with the girl cliques (yes there is such as thing as a 5 year old queen bee) but we're working through each situation.  It's so hard to do this with her because it brings up my own fear of rejection and disapproval.  I remember the many times I faced or avoided (girl) bullies in my school.  It was and is so much easier for me to tell off a man than a woman.  Bad of me, isn't t?

Wait, I can yell at pretty much anyone as long as I feel justified.  I have to be (extra/double extra) sure of myself but I have been known to yell at someone if I feel like I'm getting the raw end of the deal.  It's the crispy kimchee in me.  All that spicy fermentation needs an outlet.  I digress. My daughter is facing that pack mentality of (most not all) girls that drives me crazy.  I understand the need for companionship or common ground or even to not feel like a loner freak. But I don't understand or feel comfortable with the whole let's all dress like each other, do exactly the same thing and all hang out at the mall together.  I never understood it when I was 12 either.  I wish I could give her a mental shield and helmet to wear as she goes through these next 15 years so she can deflect the mean words, judgment and conformist bullshit thrown at her by her fellow girls.  Whew, I'm glad I'm turning 40.  

Random thoughts going round and round

I haven't blogged in a while. I've been on the "hamster wheel" of parenting as my good friend PCho would say. These past two weeks have given me a chance to hibernate, shop (gotta keep the economy going), eat carbs, and sleep in until 10 a.m. several days in a row (amen!). So I emerge now roly-polier, more relaxed, with less cash and a little discombobulated. I always have a ton of random thoughts in my head so I'd like to spew them here. Sort of like a discount bin at Marshall's. No wait that sounds unsavory - how about a beautiful basket of Hermes scarves?

1) I'm so excited for Barack Obama to become president. We've hyped him up quite a bit. As a PR professional (ahem!), I believe he has no where to go but down. Media rollercoaster, here we come! I will be watching the inauguration Tuesday, Jan. 20 - wearing my team's colors: red/white/blue!
2) 2009 is the year my fellow '69ers turn 40. Gasp. To those over 40, please turn away from the screen lest you judge my next few thoughts. I can't fucking believe I'm turning 40. I can't process it. It seems like the beginning of the end. My friend's mother said turning 50 is worse but what can we do? I will just have to become more fabulous.
3) My son is walking! He speaks: da-da, do-do. He points to me and to himself on command. So cute, yeah? Don't let him fool ya. The boy is like a violent badger at times. He has the strength of a much bigger man. He claws, screams and kicks too. It's an education since my daughter was very gentle. Even at 14 months, he wakes up a few times a night due to his eczema (poor baby) but we are hanging in there. His Daddy and I take turns. The other night I held his (not so small) body in my arms and I felt like crying because I was so tired of it all. My emotions are so unpredictable. When people ask me how I am, I often don't really know. The true sign of being a mom: You don't really know! ha!
4) The eerie quiet of Dead Week a.k.a. the holidays. This is probably a blog post unto itself. I have always had a hard time with the holidays. So much expectation both met and unfulfilled. I was always the anxious kid around the holidays who didn't know what to expect and felt like the whole event was weird. That sentiment has stayed with me. I'm not like a lot of other people I know who relish this season: hot chocolate, big cozy sweaters, decorating trees, etc. I do LOVE gifts - not so much receiving them but for giving them - wrapping gifts, the anticipation of watching people open them - hoping that they will appreciate them, etc.

That's it for now...can't wait for school to start! Freedom!

Thank you, God.

It's been a while since I've posted.  A few things have happened in the last month:

- kicked my sleeping issue - its all anxiety issues...same stuff, diff. day.  it's a third generation problem.  I blame my Confucian ancestors who were probably repressed, anxious warriors.  

- Daniel is now walking (at 1 year!)

- we had S' first parent teacher conference (yikes tho it's all good)

- my good friend, P, left me for the Jerzey Shorr where she actually gets to visit all the places I read about in my New Yorker.  Eat a lot of good K-food for me, Cho-P!

- hosted my first official playdate in kindygarten incl. providing a nutritious lunch for two 5 year olds!

- finally admitted i need daycare - economy or no economy.

- finally admitted i need a housekeeper.

- finally admitted i need to chill.

- finally admitted that I need peeps.  not the easter candy.

- finally admitted that i will turn 40 next year.  Holy nutburgers, Batman!

Funny lines from S-child:

- Upon leaving Peetz after Dbonz took an impressively smelly poop in his pants about 2 minutes after we got there, she looks at me and says, "Mom, we should name him In-n-Out Poopburger!"

Sweet lines from S-child:

- I know you get tired of hearing me say this all day but Mom, I love you.  

A memory I will cherish forever:

- Watching Dbonz and S-child freshly bathed (of course) playing in their PJs in Sophie's room - climbing over each other. Fighting a little bit but sharing the same space and being sibs.  So innocent, beautiful and awesome.  I could watch them forever - if only they wouldn't make any demands on me. 

A fact you don't need to know:

- I'm growing out my bangs - so is my daughter.  

peace out.  

Comment on sleeping habits

I've been having trouble sleeping again. Old habits die hard. Anyway, I was talking to my friend Debbie and told her that when you don't sleep with underwear on - the whole bed becomes like a giant pair of underpants....you know the sheets on the bed are like your underwear...never mind.

Who's the big crybaby?

So, I haven't written in a while. Why? Cuz, I'm tired, fool! My little 7 month old dude (a.k.a. Dano, Big D, Danbo, DJ Jazzy Jeff) keeps waking up in the middle of the night sometimes 2xs a night. He's clearly not like his big sis who slept 12 hours night when she turned 2 months. Last week I was so tired that I couldn't really focus on anything. Chores went undone so the house was a mess. I couldn't really muster up the energy to do anything except imbibe diet coke and eat carbs (let's see some of my favorites Kettle Krinkle Cut Potato Chips with salt and freshly ground pepper, tortilla chips, chocolate, cookies). It was a sorry scene. My friends kept telling me to let him cry it out. I couldn't bring myself to do it until one night I got mad at the little bugger for waking me up 3xs!!!! So I said to him (silently of course), "You think you're tough little guy...well, Mommy is tougher. Bring it on little man! Tomorrow night will be a different story." Please remember I was tired and letting off steam. If you're not a mom, then shut yer trap and keep reading or hop off here and go read perezhilton.com - it's good stuff. So you could probably figure out the rest - the next night I let him cry it out. It hurt me more than I anticipated. I felt tense, upset and anxious cuz my little D was crying for his momma who was trying to teach him something. Boy, his crying made my heart hurt (I'm the true crybaby) BUT after 20 minutes - he stopped and kept sleeping!!! I was so happy. The next night he did the same and so far he's been doing it off and on but more on than off. Once I got a full night's sleep or closer to it - I felt like a different person. I could think clearly and rationally and actually get stuff done around the house. Actual planning rather than reacting! Miracles can/do happen. Knock on a giant redwood tree!