A few arrows from my bow:
- I'm cooking a lot. I used to hate cooking. Ask anyone who knows me - I hated to cook. The whole process: list making, shopping, prepping, cooking, cleaning - fuck, it's tiresome. I hated it. But I like to cook now. I'm reading cooking blogs, trying out recipes, thinking about dinner at 9 a.m. I think it's because in these unchartered waters (ie: 2 kids, career on hold, mortgage, tons of gray hair, loose skin) I want to follow directions and belly up to my conductor's seat (in front of the stove) and create some music!!! Saute chopped onions until translucent, add garlic and cover with lid. These are instructions I can depend on, lean on and I will receive a predictable result. Never mind my four year old who is asking me every question under the sun - for which I don't usually have an answer. By the way, her last question broke my heart - like her I am the oldest. She asked me - Mom, you love me awesomely right? (I said - YES!) She then asked - But you don't love D (her little bro) awesomely? (I said - I love you both the same amount) This answer met with a little frown and judgmental brow shift. She didn't like this answer. She's learning that life is not fair and that makes me sad. Now back to cooking...
- On Monday, D (my 4 month old chubberlunk of a son) ate his first solid food! For the record, he ate half a container of bananas! He loved it, communicating his love with lip smacking and plenty of drool. After this momentous occasion, he passed out in his bassinet in the middle of our kitchen, snoring away with dreams of future strange sticky sweet foods that might come his way...
- Small chip on my shoulder: Lately, a few people have told me that I'm funny. Now, I know I can tell a good joke and that I have weird observations which I like to share with (well) anyone! But...my reaction to this is discomfort. Why? Because I'm totally insecure, dumbass! No seriously, I think it's because women aren't supposed to be funny...it de-feminizes them. I feel less than feminine when I'm making people laugh especially women in front of men. I have hang-ups ....don't pretend that you don't.
- Life is precious so be real with each other. Two of my parents' friends have died suddenly in last month - both in late 60s. It just reinforces to me that the best things in life are friends and family and that when you feel something (love, admiration, want to compliment, share a happy memory) you should share it right then and there - don't hold back and think that you will have another chance because the truth is that you might not. Here's to eliminating regret.
