I haven't written in a while because I've been livin', doin' and just bein'. It's easy following this routine with two kids under 5. One drinks 5 oz of milk every 2.5 hours and the other has to be entertained constantly: video games, TV, reading books, crafts, playing trains, drawing, watercolor, puzzles, sweeping dead worms into the garden (don't ask!). My dear friends know that I hate change and like my sphere of safety but this is getting ridiculous! Everyday I start up the engine that is our family and keep the wheels running the whole day whether this is wiping butts, washing bottles, cleaning the house for the millionth time, meal planning or picking up cranky 4 year olds from school who want to eat ice cream for dinner. Pulllease MOM, she asks targeting her big brown eyes (with extra thick eyelashes) at me. I can practically feel the wind generated by those eyes....
Truthfully, I'm too busy to really analyze what's going on, who am I, where am I going - these questions are those of a nubile 19 year old with no kids, spouse or household to run not of a 38 year old woman whose entire family would starve to death (ok, I'm exaggerating) if she didn't go to Trader Joe's TODAY!!! It's kind of like the Mom's version of the rat race... I know now why my Mom would always fall asleep at 8:30 every night in front of the TV - while the rest of her family observed her slack jawed slumber with amazement. Does she have narcolepsy, we wondered. No, she's just fucking tired from wiping our asses.
Dear Mom, thanks for wiping my ass and for also caring enough about us to keep the wheel going. Love, C.
Random thoughts:
- I'm really sad Heath Ledger died. Life is fragile, so cliche but true. The older I get the more I realize that cliches are time worn truths. I don't roll my eyes at them when they are uttered instead I nod.
- Nicknames for my son: D-Bones, DJ Jazzy Jeff, Diggy, Tiny Boyfriend (this last one was coined by my husband). An aside: he is so cute and huggy that it's disgusting. Or is everyone disgusted with me? I forget.
- I took a yoga class with my good friend, Gloria, last week. It was relaxing but grueling. My main observation was that flexibility is not correlated with weight loss. How can people so flexible still look overweight? Cattiness aside - I kept thinking - as my hamstrings groaned under the strain of stretching - why am I doing this if I don't lose weight?