More car wash than spa...

On Saturday, I went with my friend Shirley to the Imperial Spa in San Francisco, a jimjilbang or public bathhouse.  We were scheduled for a scrub and massage.  This ain't your Swedish, oily, Enya-soaked odyssey on 250 count sheets.  This is MASSAGE, K-town style, ya dig?  That means you will be handled, moved and abused by a Korean lady in a matching bra and panty set.  (I never could figure out why they do that but oh well.) But first let me describe the scene.  Me=totally naked.  I'm totally comfortable naked.  I'm not sure people love to see me naked but their problem.  The room is like a giant shower stall (tiled with drains on floor), not unpleasant but utilitarian looking.  There are three massage tables with giant plastic tarps on them.  I laid down, eyeing my friend Shirley over the woman in between us. We smiled sort of like you do when you're about to go down a steep slope of a roller coaster.  My lady said - "face down" so I laid on my stomach and wiggled my toes.  I immediately feel this giant gush of warm water down my back and body.  AHHHHHhhhhh, me feel like a giant 145 lb baby.  Then another one.  I could cry big mom tears.  Then she started the "scrub" part of my treatment. She is scrubbing me raw - every part of my body - in between here and under there.  It's not for the bashful.  Why do people pay for this?  Let me preface this by saying that Koreans believe soap does not make you clean.  What makes you really clean is removing the top layer of skin on your entire body.  I think the medical world calls this your epidermis?  I'm kidding.  Really if you are ever in the hot bath long enough, try rubbing your skin.  You will see a dark grey worm of dead skin appear.  To a Korean mom or grandmom, this dark worm is the motherlode, black gold, Texas tea - a sign that she has made you clean.  Of course you will be red afterwards and possibly sore - but you are skinless er, really clean.  Either way, there is no dirt there any longer.  So back to me, so Jeney my Korean masseuse is rubbing me every which way and it doesn't hurt.  I've never gotten my deh (Korean for dead skin) removed ever in my life so she's breaking a sweat here in her matching panty set.  At one point, I think she was panting because it took so much effort.  Once she was done, she poured a couple more buckets of hot water on me and told me to stand up and dry off.  The massage would soon commence.  Wow, I wasn't expecting such a thorough massage.  Boobs, bum, inner thigh but not my dark continent.  I was floored.  No polite questioning of my comfort level or would I mind this...nope!  Just goin at it with vigor.  Afterwards, she gave me a cucumber (real chopped up veggie) facial and washed my hair.  I was glowing and happy - this feeling lasted  until I got home and even after my kids were whining and my husband asked me a lot of questions about where things were, etc.  My Korean bathhouse experience was awesome I highly recommend it!  But only if you like being naked...